The past few weeks has been a bit of a stretch in my trust & confidence in God's unfailing character and guidance as V&I prepare ourselves for a lifetime of sharing our faith, hearts, dreams and goals together.
We are not surprised that sometimes what we pictured in our mind of 'doing life together' actually looks quite different in the context of reality, where we experience the challenges ALSO the rewards of negotiating our way through our differences to find the safe common ground where can defend each other against the problems/external pressure we face rather than being defensive towards each other .
In Growing great marriages by Ian & Mary Grant, the authors talked about the importance of getting the right tools for resolving conflicts as couples can become unhelpfully defensive as their preferred 'safe option' when differences arise, and from there onwards they are no longer fighting about 'the issue'but they are fighting for deeper unresolved issues of their own significance.
Felt like the light bulb suddenly lit up as I munch through the insights & wisdom from the couple who have been married for over 40yrs. What I realised was that maybe afterall couples experience disagreement and conflicts not because they are so stubborn in their differing opinions but because they need reassurance from their important other half of their significance, especially when there is a seperation in their ideas & goals.
It's only less than two months till our wedding day and what God slowly peels away in meantime has given us a glimpse of the raw ingredients necessary for building a strong & healthy marriage, starting from love for God, respect, interdependence, ability to compromise, forgiveness, desiring the best for our marriage/partner, understanding each other's need and meeting them...and the list grows with our willingness to grow :)
End of the day it's hard to explain the miracle of two human beings wired up so differently staying & growing together through the changing season/cycles of life except the fact that the crazy idea of marriage was originally from God. Its in the context of marriage where God intended to bring the best out of humanity also in our limitation to love one another unconditionally that we may finally recognise the value of His perfect love for humanity and be humbled & encouraged by His example.
"...First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first." 1 John 4v19 (msg)
"Positive conversations are like seeds that germinate to create belief and expectation. So what we plan is what will grown. Engage in spirited discussion, without putting each other down. Enjoy the cut and thrust of your differeing opinions and perspective. Think of each other as a valuable recource for ideas." - Ian & Mary Grant.
**Highly recommend Growing great marriages for practical wisdom & tools for drawing out the best of relationships!
